Burdens

bur·den 1 (bûrdn)

1. Something that is carried.
2.
a. Something that is emotionally difficult to bear.
b. A source of great worry or stress; weight
3. A responsibility or duty

Greiving is painful and heavy. Times of darkness and feeling lost in the unknown. Wishing yourself to wake up but the brightness of morning never comes.

I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies. (Psalms 6:6-7)

Thankfully God places people in your life to strengthen you, encourage you, and lift you up. At the time you may not see how they help - the burden is still s.o. h.e.a.v.y. - but every word spoken or written, every meaningful glance, every hug, every thoughtful gesture is a grain less weighing down.

God has placed so many beautiful people in my life that have walked along side me (us), sharing this burden...easing this burden...lifting this burden.

Sometimes I feel like I am too open with my greif. That I selfishly take more then I should or that I place the burden on people. Even waving it in their face like "See my burden!?!"
But in those moments, I am given grace and people look past the selfishness and help me carry the hurt that I hold in my hands.

Many times have I written an e-mail through tear filled eyes to a friend who responds with a loving: "I hurt with you" or "you are such a good momma"....coming along side me and encouraging me.
And numerous times have I heard a Grandparent say accidentaly "Brennan...I mean (enter other grandchild here)... hearing that precious name uttered and knowing he is on their minds as well, comforts my heart.
Family or friends saying "could we go visit his grave?"...learning that he has touched lives and is not forgotten.
Or seeing tears in someone elses eyes and realizing those tears are for me - warms my soul.

And even though I still carry this burden, and will carry it for the rest of my life, it has become easier and lighter. I no longer hunch over or stumble underneath it's weight. I can stand taller and see the sunshine where the darkness once flooded. Grey clouds do come over and sometimes it rains, but God always provides a way to ease the load and clear the skies.

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

MANY THANKS to the family and friends who carry this burden with us.
It means more then you will ever know.