I've been asking myself lately "how long will it take to feel at home?"
"How long until we're settled?"
We call these 4 walls 'home'. But does it feel like 'home'? No.
It's very familiar.
I know which step to skip when walking upstairs at night so the squeak won't wake the kids.
I know how you have to push hard on the front door so the lock catches.
I know, when turning on the gas stove in the family room, you have to hit it a couple times before the wires connect....not a great thing is it?
I know you have to turn the hot water tap in the tub a little tighter otherwise it drips.
This house is familiar, but it's not quite 'home'.
I still get caught going in circles trying to remember which cupboard or which drawer the cups or spoons are.
I still hit the wrong garage door button when parking Brian's work truck.
I'm still learning which light switch turns on the entry way light and which turn on the outside lights.
I still lie awake a night trying to figure out each bang and creak as the house settles down for the night.
A friend, who has moved numerous times growing up and in adulthood, told me one time, that it takes about a year to feel at home in a new spot. Experiencing each season in that new house, yard and town.
We like it here. We love our house. The church is warm and we're getting comfortable there. There are kinks and bumps we are figuring out with jobs and such. I have met a few of our close neighbors but the winter has locked a few others up in their homes. I know how to get around town and even know a few of the back routes, but taking wrong turns or getting lost is still not uncommon for me.
I've never really made a big move like this before. I did a few years at college but those towns/cities were already familiar to me.
I feel like I'm growing up. Moving away from all that I know and stepping out into the unknown with my husband. I love it. I love taking this huge plunge with the ones I love. Making our own way. Pushing us out of our comfort zone but pushing us closer together and closer to our God.
Even though my world is a bit chaotic and confusing and we aren't quite 'home', we have found 'home' in our Fathers arms; peace and comfort in this crazy, exciting and scary journey.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
February 27, 2012
July 28, 2011
What I've learned through this...
The other day my husband commented that this journey has been as hard as when we lost Brennan.
I second that.
It's been hard on me, on us as a little family, but I know for certain that it has been the hardest on my man.
Feelings of worthlessness. Putting his heart and soul into something for 8 years and watch it just be thrown away like it was nothing. Knowing he is a good working but just wanting someone to see that. Having visions of not being able to provide for his family. Feeling like he is making bad decisions and doesn't want to be left looking stupid.
The hardest part for me is watching him hurt.
Me, I can be a mother and a nurse anywhere. I am open to whatever and wherever.
I am a strong believer in how women (for the most part) get their 'self worth' from being nurturers - wives & mothers; and men getting their 'self worth' from their jobs.
So thats why I know it is so hard on him. Why it rivals the pain from when we buried our son.
I haven't exactly figured out what I've learned through this. But I am learning. The fog is still so, so thick....as in the sale of our house fell through and feeling as though we back at square one. Questioning God and not getting clear answers. Contemplating putting in our notice of resignation since so many red flags are popping up and so many signs are pointing to 'no'.
I know we will take so many good things from this experience - a deeper marriage, stronger faith in God, more openess & communication, humility (oh how I dread facing people and saying things didn't work out...)
But oh how I long for normalcy. A place to call home. We have a house but our hearts aren't here anymore.
I guess that wasn't the best title for this post. But I've learned that life is hard and it isn't getting any easier.
And that my hope is in HIM alone. We are at the point where we having nothing in ourselves that we can rely on so He is where we were forced to turn to...and I have a sneaking suspicion that that's what He wants us to learn....
I second that.
It's been hard on me, on us as a little family, but I know for certain that it has been the hardest on my man.
Feelings of worthlessness. Putting his heart and soul into something for 8 years and watch it just be thrown away like it was nothing. Knowing he is a good working but just wanting someone to see that. Having visions of not being able to provide for his family. Feeling like he is making bad decisions and doesn't want to be left looking stupid.
The hardest part for me is watching him hurt.
Me, I can be a mother and a nurse anywhere. I am open to whatever and wherever.
I am a strong believer in how women (for the most part) get their 'self worth' from being nurturers - wives & mothers; and men getting their 'self worth' from their jobs.
So thats why I know it is so hard on him. Why it rivals the pain from when we buried our son.
I haven't exactly figured out what I've learned through this. But I am learning. The fog is still so, so thick....as in the sale of our house fell through and feeling as though we back at square one. Questioning God and not getting clear answers. Contemplating putting in our notice of resignation since so many red flags are popping up and so many signs are pointing to 'no'.
I know we will take so many good things from this experience - a deeper marriage, stronger faith in God, more openess & communication, humility (oh how I dread facing people and saying things didn't work out...)
But oh how I long for normalcy. A place to call home. We have a house but our hearts aren't here anymore.
I guess that wasn't the best title for this post. But I've learned that life is hard and it isn't getting any easier.
And that my hope is in HIM alone. We are at the point where we having nothing in ourselves that we can rely on so He is where we were forced to turn to...and I have a sneaking suspicion that that's what He wants us to learn....
July 18, 2011
March 09, 2011
"They say..."
Who are they anyways?
Lately I've been really searching for truth. Truth in what is healthy - the food I eat, medications, products. Truth in what is best for my kids, family, marriage. Truth in the media, truth in my faith and even in what I believe. Daily we are fed lies and it is tricky to discern who speaks in honesty.
But last night I was reminded that God is my pure source of truth.
I often am looking for the perfect devotion book or the self-help book of Christianity, forgetting the words that in that leather bound book on the shelf. True, the bible can be so confusing sometimes and I often wish I would have listened better in my Hermeneutics class at bible college (darn boyfriends), but I know that if I search and ask for truth, He will show me.
Lately I've been really searching for truth. Truth in what is healthy - the food I eat, medications, products. Truth in what is best for my kids, family, marriage. Truth in the media, truth in my faith and even in what I believe. Daily we are fed lies and it is tricky to discern who speaks in honesty.
But last night I was reminded that God is my pure source of truth.
I often am looking for the perfect devotion book or the self-help book of Christianity, forgetting the words that in that leather bound book on the shelf. True, the bible can be so confusing sometimes and I often wish I would have listened better in my Hermeneutics class at bible college (darn boyfriends), but I know that if I search and ask for truth, He will show me.
January 25, 2011
Silent grieving
Over the past week or two, obviously Brennan has been on my mind. A friend of mine posted a bit about her grief and wrote how lonely it is. I too find it such a lonely road, but then I got thinking about how blessed we have been to have so many of the 'little things' that other grieving parents don't have and experienced some beautiful moments that many miss out on. I think this is one of the differences between having a miscarriage and having a stillborn. We got to hold our child, take pictures, kiss soft cheeks and wrap him in blankets. So many parents catch glimpses of their lost children in forms of a flush of a toilet or the contents of a biohazard container in an OR room. No blankets or outfits are folded and placed in memory boxes. No pictures of soft forms with blood red lips grace bookshelves or mantles. Few words of comfort or condolence are given since the news of a coming baby wasn't yet spread and the parents don't feel allowed to utter the word 'miscarriage' in public.
There is no difference in the fact that they were beautifully created beings formed by the hands of God.
Oh, how I ache for you moms & families. So sorry for your losses and feeling selfish in my grief.
I'm sorry this is so raw and unedited. I have a hard time writing gently sometimes or looking at things from different/all point-of-views. I'm just grieving for you parents that feel alone in your loss.
I pray that you are comforted in the fact that God holds your tiny babies in His loving arms.
There is no difference in the fact that they were beautifully created beings formed by the hands of God.
Oh, how I ache for you moms & families. So sorry for your losses and feeling selfish in my grief.
I'm sorry this is so raw and unedited. I have a hard time writing gently sometimes or looking at things from different/all point-of-views. I'm just grieving for you parents that feel alone in your loss.
I pray that you are comforted in the fact that God holds your tiny babies in His loving arms.
January 24, 2011
Three
Three years. Has it really been that long?
We had a beautiful day yesterday. A day of celebration, memories, sadness, joyfulness & thanksgiving. A time of holding our earthly children a little bit tighter and reflecting on those moments we held that sweet frail body. Bittersweet beauty.
This past year I wrestled a lot with how to grieve. And the days leading up to his birthday I struggled again with this whole 'mothering a missing child'. I finally decided to release myself of my expectations and to just keep the simple traditions. Allowing myself to celebrate and grieve as the feeling come. It was freeing.
It also could have been the fact that it's been 3 years. Each year, altho the feelings of sadness and grief are still very real, it gets easier. The pain is more tender than gut-wrenching...but that also could be just the cycle of grief at the moment - the gut-wrenching might be waiting for me around the corner...
As we were praying for our supper meal, I found myself thanking God for our family. Thanking Him for Brennan. I would never ask Him for pain, but I would never want Him to have spared us Brennan's life.
I also couldn't help but envision a third little body around our table. I would have been a different mother, but that aching void would be filled...
Ahh, the many incomplete and confusing thoughts of life. We all have them don't we?...and since I don't know where this is going, I'll just say,
Happy Birthday my beautiful firstborn. We love you & miss you.
This past year I wrestled a lot with how to grieve. And the days leading up to his birthday I struggled again with this whole 'mothering a missing child'. I finally decided to release myself of my expectations and to just keep the simple traditions. Allowing myself to celebrate and grieve as the feeling come. It was freeing.
It also could have been the fact that it's been 3 years. Each year, altho the feelings of sadness and grief are still very real, it gets easier. The pain is more tender than gut-wrenching...but that also could be just the cycle of grief at the moment - the gut-wrenching might be waiting for me around the corner...
As we were praying for our supper meal, I found myself thanking God for our family. Thanking Him for Brennan. I would never ask Him for pain, but I would never want Him to have spared us Brennan's life.
I also couldn't help but envision a third little body around our table. I would have been a different mother, but that aching void would be filled...
Ahh, the many incomplete and confusing thoughts of life. We all have them don't we?...and since I don't know where this is going, I'll just say,
Happy Birthday my beautiful firstborn. We love you & miss you.
April 14, 2010
Heart math
I love my husband 100%. With all of my heart.
I also love each of my children 100%.
But 400% doesn't work - unless I had 4 hearts.
So maybe I love each of them 25%.
No, I don't like that.
What about all my other friends and family that I love?
They get a share of my heart too...
That's spreading my heart pretty thin.
Huh. I don't get it.
No wonder I almost failed math.
All I know is that my heart's a burstin'.
I also love each of my children 100%.
But 400% doesn't work - unless I had 4 hearts.
So maybe I love each of them 25%.
No, I don't like that.
What about all my other friends and family that I love?
They get a share of my heart too...
That's spreading my heart pretty thin.
Huh. I don't get it.
No wonder I almost failed math.
All I know is that my heart's a burstin'.
April 08, 2010
Complaints...
I have a killer back ache from a busy day yesterday, but I'm going to try not to complain.
Pregnancy does a number on one's body and many times the aches and pains over ride the excitement and miracle of the new little life growing within.
Ever since we lost Brennan, complaining has bothered me. I have definately voiced my fair share of complaints, but listening to another mother complaining that her newborn wakes up to feed every 2 hours or that she is so sore and tired from being pregnant and wishes that the baby would come 3 weeks early....really erks me. Sometimes I just want to say, "Well, at least you have a baby to hold and nurse or a healthy life still growing within you!...."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to point fingers or say I never complain about my kid or my aching body (because I do A LOT), but I've just been convicted and given a challenge to do my best not to. This isn't about me complaining about complaining mothers, this is about God working on my heart and me trying to change. It's not you...it's me...
Now, to say that I will never again complain about a sleepless night, or my paining hips, or when a child dumps the entire jug of milk on the floor would definately be a lie and a promise that would be broken very quickly. But, I want to try my hardest for the next 4 months to rejoice and be thankful of this growing baby whenever my aches & pains are clouding my day.
Now, I'm going to go lay down with a heating pad and maybe book a massage....if you catch my drift ;)
Pregnancy does a number on one's body and many times the aches and pains over ride the excitement and miracle of the new little life growing within.
Ever since we lost Brennan, complaining has bothered me. I have definately voiced my fair share of complaints, but listening to another mother complaining that her newborn wakes up to feed every 2 hours or that she is so sore and tired from being pregnant and wishes that the baby would come 3 weeks early....really erks me. Sometimes I just want to say, "Well, at least you have a baby to hold and nurse or a healthy life still growing within you!...."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to point fingers or say I never complain about my kid or my aching body (because I do A LOT), but I've just been convicted and given a challenge to do my best not to. This isn't about me complaining about complaining mothers, this is about God working on my heart and me trying to change. It's not you...it's me...
Now, to say that I will never again complain about a sleepless night, or my paining hips, or when a child dumps the entire jug of milk on the floor would definately be a lie and a promise that would be broken very quickly. But, I want to try my hardest for the next 4 months to rejoice and be thankful of this growing baby whenever my aches & pains are clouding my day.
Now, I'm going to go lay down with a heating pad and maybe book a massage....if you catch my drift ;)
March 25, 2010
Just getting by
Since going back to work I've kinda been feeling like we're just getting by. Doing the bare minimum.
I go to work when it's still dark, get home in time to put Kellan to bed, laze around for an hour then go to bed. Then on my days off I spend the first day recovering and the following days cleaning the previous days messes, laundry, errands then we start all over again.
Honestly, I don't know how full-time working out of the house Mom's do it. Either they are SUPER organized, don't sleep, or something is lacking.
I used to be someone who worked on projects, had goals and felt, for the most part, organized. Somewhere in the past 3 months I lost that.
Thankfully my packed work schedule is slowing down. I've had the past 4 days off and I've stopped to reflect on my life and see what a mess I'm in.
Actually, on my 2nd day off, not having a thing on the calendar and not having to go to work for a while I didn't know what to do with myself. I actually wished I had to work cuz I was going kinda stir crazy.
That's when I realized what I/we had been missing and decided to change a few things.
So, over the last few days I've caught up on the usual laundry and house cleaning...but I have also spent more quality time with Kellan, started some projects, made some pretty fabulous meals (the yorkshire pudding wasn't a total flop ;), exercised!!! (haven't done that in weeks!), and just felt like I'm 'back in the game'.
Living day to day and doing enough just to get by sucks.
I knew when I decided to go back to work that I would be signing us up for a bit of disruption, and I kept telling myself that things will get back to normal when I get in those dreaded 600 hours (enough for mat leave). Yes, now that I am able to cut my hours back a bit it will help lots, but I think attitude is key.
Here's to a better one!
I go to work when it's still dark, get home in time to put Kellan to bed, laze around for an hour then go to bed. Then on my days off I spend the first day recovering and the following days cleaning the previous days messes, laundry, errands then we start all over again.
Honestly, I don't know how full-time working out of the house Mom's do it. Either they are SUPER organized, don't sleep, or something is lacking.
I used to be someone who worked on projects, had goals and felt, for the most part, organized. Somewhere in the past 3 months I lost that.
Thankfully my packed work schedule is slowing down. I've had the past 4 days off and I've stopped to reflect on my life and see what a mess I'm in.
Actually, on my 2nd day off, not having a thing on the calendar and not having to go to work for a while I didn't know what to do with myself. I actually wished I had to work cuz I was going kinda stir crazy.
That's when I realized what I/we had been missing and decided to change a few things.
So, over the last few days I've caught up on the usual laundry and house cleaning...but I have also spent more quality time with Kellan, started some projects, made some pretty fabulous meals (the yorkshire pudding wasn't a total flop ;), exercised!!! (haven't done that in weeks!), and just felt like I'm 'back in the game'.
Living day to day and doing enough just to get by sucks.
I knew when I decided to go back to work that I would be signing us up for a bit of disruption, and I kept telling myself that things will get back to normal when I get in those dreaded 600 hours (enough for mat leave). Yes, now that I am able to cut my hours back a bit it will help lots, but I think attitude is key.
Here's to a better one!
November 24, 2009
I am a bad friend
Lately I've been struggling with something. Or should I say someone.
We used to be really good friends but over time things have fallen apart - mostly on my end.
This is the 2nd week I haven't called her back (after she left 2 messages).
But deep down I feel hurt.
Nothing was done intentionally and nothing was said hurtful....but just a slow wearing down and areas of our lives we didn't see eye-to-eye on.
But I feel my heart being pulled in 2 directions. I don't crave her friendship but I know she does mine. And I know she probably needs it.
So my sinners heart is saying "ah, just ignore her then you don't have to put up with her", but then my sinner saved by grace heart says "a friend loveth at all times..."
*sigh*
We used to be really good friends but over time things have fallen apart - mostly on my end.
This is the 2nd week I haven't called her back (after she left 2 messages).
But deep down I feel hurt.
Nothing was done intentionally and nothing was said hurtful....but just a slow wearing down and areas of our lives we didn't see eye-to-eye on.
But I feel my heart being pulled in 2 directions. I don't crave her friendship but I know she does mine. And I know she probably needs it.
So my sinners heart is saying "ah, just ignore her then you don't have to put up with her", but then my sinner saved by grace heart says "a friend loveth at all times..."
*sigh*
November 01, 2009
What do I do?
Do you ever feel that the Christian life is overwhelming?
Stupid question right? - I'm sure we all feel that way now and then....sometimes daily.
Issues of discussion & areas in our life in need of change pull us in all directions and it's so hard to decide what to work on first or where to put our time and energy.
I open the bible and there is a never ending list of qualities that I know I need to work on. But where to begin?
Organizations and missions that need support. Who do we give money too? And how do we pray for all of them? Can we just say "Dear God, please bless all the missionaries..."? Does that work? How come little kids can get away with those prayers ;)
And out of all the issues that we face, which ones should come up and be discussed in our home? Do we go 'hardcore' on a few or just little thoughts and ideas here and there and try to touch a bunch of them?
Sometimes it's just easier to shut our bible and say "it's too hard". Why bother working on an area of my life that I will slip-up in tomorrow or when another one will pop up when I thought I could take a break from bettering myself.
Why does it hurt so? I like shutting myself out from the world and just be oblivious to people and things around me. That way I won't do or say something wrong and I can be nieve to the hurts and pains of this world.
Unfortunately God doesn't let me and he tugs at my heart once again and gently (or not so gently) reveals a quality I need to work on or something or someone I need to put my attention on.
And as painful as it is or as mad as I get at Him for reminding me of my un-(list any quality here), I thank Him for not giving up on me and know it's for my own good.
Stupid question right? - I'm sure we all feel that way now and then....sometimes daily.
Issues of discussion & areas in our life in need of change pull us in all directions and it's so hard to decide what to work on first or where to put our time and energy.
I open the bible and there is a never ending list of qualities that I know I need to work on. But where to begin?
Organizations and missions that need support. Who do we give money too? And how do we pray for all of them? Can we just say "Dear God, please bless all the missionaries..."? Does that work? How come little kids can get away with those prayers ;)
And out of all the issues that we face, which ones should come up and be discussed in our home? Do we go 'hardcore' on a few or just little thoughts and ideas here and there and try to touch a bunch of them?
Sometimes it's just easier to shut our bible and say "it's too hard". Why bother working on an area of my life that I will slip-up in tomorrow or when another one will pop up when I thought I could take a break from bettering myself.
Why does it hurt so? I like shutting myself out from the world and just be oblivious to people and things around me. That way I won't do or say something wrong and I can be nieve to the hurts and pains of this world.
Unfortunately God doesn't let me and he tugs at my heart once again and gently (or not so gently) reveals a quality I need to work on or something or someone I need to put my attention on.
And as painful as it is or as mad as I get at Him for reminding me of my un-(list any quality here), I thank Him for not giving up on me and know it's for my own good.
October 24, 2009
Halloween
We were driving back home tonight and as we were pulling into town I saw some houses with lights up. Nope they weren't Christmas lights - they were Halloween lights.
Ugh!
The stores too are packed full of expensive candy and cheap looking costumes.
We've been back and forth about letting Kellan/our kids participate in the 'harmless' cute costumes and candy. But we've decided to say 'no' and just not let those so called harmless things be an open door for the devil.
We're not sure what we will do when our kids are school-aged - maybe a fun trip to the waterslides or something - but for now it's pretty easy just to turn off all the lights and watch tv in our basement.
Ugh!
The stores too are packed full of expensive candy and cheap looking costumes.
We've been back and forth about letting Kellan/our kids participate in the 'harmless' cute costumes and candy. But we've decided to say 'no' and just not let those so called harmless things be an open door for the devil.
We're not sure what we will do when our kids are school-aged - maybe a fun trip to the waterslides or something - but for now it's pretty easy just to turn off all the lights and watch tv in our basement.
February 03, 2009
Early morning thoughts
It's almost 6 am...should I try and go back to sleep for another hour?...
Nah! Probably won't fall asleep until 6:30 anyways.
Our doctors appt yesterday was really good. K is 11 lbs 4 oz. 75% for height and 50% for weight. Everything healthy!
When I was in the waiting room another family came in that had a 6 week old. He was crying and fussing and I thought to myself - "man I'm spoiled!" Kellan just slept in the carseat and didn't make a noise.
My Dr. wrote me up a prescription for birth control...we're struggling with where we sit on that topic. I didn't fill the Rx yet.
A mom and her 4 kids were also in the waiting room. I was watching her and was thinking lots about kids: How many? Can I handle being that busy? (I'm kinda lazy sometimes):) How many does God want me to have? How do I just give this over to God and let Him give me kids as He wants?...as if I can control God...
Children are a blessing from the Lord...so why do we try to avoid them or limit ourselves to only 2 or 3?
Lots of thoughts...
As you can tell my thoughts are random. Have to work through them today.
I ordered some more diapers last week - hope they are in the mail today! I got 7 more so I'll have enough for 2 days. Why does this excite me so? :)
Last night I was folding laundry and saved the folding and stuffing of the diapers for last...I quite look forward to that! (call me crazy...)
My Mom is coming today for a visit and to let me run uptown to do errands.
I'm in a wedding this May and the other 2 bridesmaids all do the tanning thing - so I might go tan a bit too. Don't want to be the white pastey bridesmaid.... :S
It's supposed to be super nice again today - hope I can try out my new gift I was talking about yesterday!
I'll take a picture I promise!
My newest thing is the read the whole bible through....I've never done that.
All these random thoughts are making me sleepy - gonna go have a nap until the alarm goes off.
Nah! Probably won't fall asleep until 6:30 anyways.
Our doctors appt yesterday was really good. K is 11 lbs 4 oz. 75% for height and 50% for weight. Everything healthy!
When I was in the waiting room another family came in that had a 6 week old. He was crying and fussing and I thought to myself - "man I'm spoiled!" Kellan just slept in the carseat and didn't make a noise.
My Dr. wrote me up a prescription for birth control...we're struggling with where we sit on that topic. I didn't fill the Rx yet.
A mom and her 4 kids were also in the waiting room. I was watching her and was thinking lots about kids: How many? Can I handle being that busy? (I'm kinda lazy sometimes):) How many does God want me to have? How do I just give this over to God and let Him give me kids as He wants?...as if I can control God...
Children are a blessing from the Lord...so why do we try to avoid them or limit ourselves to only 2 or 3?
Lots of thoughts...
As you can tell my thoughts are random. Have to work through them today.
I ordered some more diapers last week - hope they are in the mail today! I got 7 more so I'll have enough for 2 days. Why does this excite me so? :)
Last night I was folding laundry and saved the folding and stuffing of the diapers for last...I quite look forward to that! (call me crazy...)
My Mom is coming today for a visit and to let me run uptown to do errands.
I'm in a wedding this May and the other 2 bridesmaids all do the tanning thing - so I might go tan a bit too. Don't want to be the white pastey bridesmaid.... :S
It's supposed to be super nice again today - hope I can try out my new gift I was talking about yesterday!
I'll take a picture I promise!
My newest thing is the read the whole bible through....I've never done that.
All these random thoughts are making me sleepy - gonna go have a nap until the alarm goes off.
January 15, 2009
THINGS...
...I LOVE...
-my amazing husband
-my little boy (and of course my moby wrap)
-when Brian cuddles with Kellan and tells him that he missed him that day
-lazy Saturdays (can't wait - 2 more days!)
...I'M WORKING ON...
-Kellan's baby book
-Thankyou cards & birth announcements
-getting back into exercising
-me...too many things to count
...I'M GRIEVING...
-Brennan
-the newborn clothes I'm packing away
...I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO...
-Brian getting home from work
-going for a walk this afternoon
-Kellan's baby shower next Tuesday
...I'M THANKFUL FOR...
-my boys
-health
-my big crockpot that is cooking supper right now
- the 'older' women in my life (yes Paige, you are 'old') :)
...I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW...
-tidying the house
-napping
-laundry
-devotions
-------------------------------------------------------
Kellan is 1 month old today! Eeek! Where does the time go? Wasn't I just sitting here on the couch impatiently waiting for this little one to come out?
-my amazing husband
-my little boy (and of course my moby wrap)
-when Brian cuddles with Kellan and tells him that he missed him that day-lazy Saturdays (can't wait - 2 more days!)
...I'M WORKING ON...
-Kellan's baby book
-Thankyou cards & birth announcements
-getting back into exercising
-me...too many things to count
...I'M GRIEVING...
-Brennan
-the newborn clothes I'm packing away
...I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO...
-Brian getting home from work
-going for a walk this afternoon
-Kellan's baby shower next Tuesday
...I'M THANKFUL FOR...
-my boys
-health-my big crockpot that is cooking supper right now
- the 'older' women in my life (yes Paige, you are 'old') :)
...I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW...
-tidying the house
-napping
-laundry
-devotions
-------------------------------------------------------
Kellan is 1 month old today! Eeek! Where does the time go? Wasn't I just sitting here on the couch impatiently waiting for this little one to come out?
September 21, 2006
Could today get any worse?
Well, today we have had a very disappointing evening. Lately we have been thinking of moving (buying a place or renting a different one), so this evening we were going to make a few calls and figure things out. But every idea that we had has been shoved down the drain and now we might be kicked out of our rental place in a few months with no where to go! It's not quite as dramatic as it sounds but we were pretty excited about some new things in our lives, but now none of them look positive anymore. So, after a few phone calls and a few "downer" converstions we decided to go for a walk and get the mail.... well nothing like a few unexpected bills to brighten your day! (and I never really understand WHY I have to pay people $250 so I can work!!!- who made that rule?!?) So after our short walk Brian was getting ready to take a shower and he wanted me to cut his hair (just a quick buzz cut like I do every other week). So I start 'buzzing away' and I began wondering why there was so much hair coming off and why what was left looked so short...."AWWW MAN!" I had the wrong guard thing on! Now Bri has the closest to a 'BIC shave' hair cut. He didn't seem to worried since he's had it that short before - but we were wondering if anything else negative could happen today?
But I have many things to be thankful for, we're healthy and well, we have food on the table (and in the cupboards and in the drawers...), and a warm cozy house to live in, and I'm married to a awesome guy, and I blessed with loving friends and family.... so all things considering, I had a pretty good day. Maybe I should change the title of this blog...
But I have many things to be thankful for, we're healthy and well, we have food on the table (and in the cupboards and in the drawers...), and a warm cozy house to live in, and I'm married to a awesome guy, and I blessed with loving friends and family.... so all things considering, I had a pretty good day. Maybe I should change the title of this blog...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)