Another boring post about pregnancy....

Well, here we are at 38 weeks.
Yesterday I weighed in and now I am officially the heaviest I have ever been in my life.  Nothing like a good pick me up to start the day off - that along with sore & swollen feet.
I don't think I'm measuring or looking much (if any) bigger then the last ones - there is just a little fluff left over from Kalli ;)
But I'm not really complaining.  Or at least I *shouldn't*.

I've been doing a lot of emotional & spiritual birth prep lately.  Lots of birth story reading, devotionals, reading through birth scriptures,etc.
I found my theme verse for my labor & delivery:

Isaiah 26:3 - 
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  (NKJV)


Isn't that awesome?!  I'm not necessarily fearing labor or feel uneasy, but I'm just working towards & praying for a really peaceful labor & delivery.  Quiet, natural (if all goes well and as planned), and peaceful...
Keeping my mind focused on God & his gifts and persevering through.


The past 3-4 days I've had way more braxton hicks and a few cramps & pains, so it's nice to feel like things are gearing up.  I usually have lots of bh's early on and throughout the pregnancy but these past couple months they've been pretty quiet.
My midwife gave me some herbal '9 month tea' and said to drink up to 5 cups/day.  I've been doing my best and there is always a pot steeping on the counter.  I'm pretty sure it's going to take me years to touch that stuff again after these couple/few weeks are over - but there probably won't be a need for it for a year or two anyways ;)

I've been sleeping really great lately!  At least 8 hours (with 3-4 breaks to pee, check on a crying child or turning over & repositioning ourselves of course) and I usually sneak in a few minutes on the couch after lunch, so I'm thankful for the rest tank to be mostly topped up.

Well, one more cup of tea is poured and a few more verses to ponder before bed.  G'night.

...Kalli's Birth Story...

Kalli
~ Most beautiful
~ Fairest
~ Lark

Eden
~ Bible. The garden of God and the first home of Adam and Eve. Also called Garden of Eden
~ A delightful place; a paradise
~ A state of innocence, bliss, or ultimate happiness

(August 11th)
Throughout the day I had quite a few braxton hicks but nothing painful or consistent. I had a Dr's appt with a fill in Dr in the afternoon and everything checked out good. NST was good too.
Around supper time the contractions were starting to get a bit painful so I was wondering (hoping!) that things were actually starting. And by bedtime they were pretty consistent, and I had a feeling that 'bedtime' wasn't going to happen.
I started timing them and at 11pm they were every 3-5 minutes lasting 60-90 seconds. So a quick call to the hospital to give them a heads up and we were on our way at 11:30.

(August 12th)
We were admitted straight to the L & D room and they hooked me up to the monitor to see what was up. Lying down slowed my contractions down - or at least the intensity so I wasn't too sure how far along I was. The nurse checked me and I was only 2 cm but suprisingly that didn't upset me too much. I was pretty sure we weren't going to see the sunshine before the baby was born - or least that's what I was hoping ;)

They took the monitor off and let me labour how I wanted. I quickly found the labouring ball and sat on it during contractions and walked around inbetween. I'm a 'hands-off' kinda labouring girl so Brian did an awesome job of keeping me company, coaching and encouraging me. Oh, and making me laugh :)

(This is me journaling the 'play-by-play' as I labour...)

After about an hour of labouring that way, I decided to get into the shower. The warm water felt great, especially since I was getting cold, and squatting down with each contraction helped the process along.
At 2 am I decided to crawl into bed just for a little break but the contractions seemed to intensify. The nurse came in and checked me and I was 7-8 cm so she went to call the Dr. He came in 15 minutes later and decided to break my water.
So much for my 'break' as things picked up in intensity & the contractions were piggy backing. I remember thinking a few time, "ok, I must be in transition" as I was comparing my labour to Kellan's. But they kept getting worse and never fully letting up.
At about 3 am I had a huge contraction where I felt the baby totally move down and I wanted to push. I told Brian to go get the Dr & nurses and when he checked me to see if I could push I still wasn't fully dilated so he said in 5 minutes I could push.
That was a VERY long 5 minutes...
Finally I was fully dilated and the nurse set me up to push but it was a really awkward position and I couldn't get the hang of pushing. Looking back now I think I was sitting up too high - where I would have rather been laying back with my knees up. Anyways, after 15 minutes of pushing, sweet little Kalli Eden was born.



After we all got cleaned up and sewed back up (just a teeny tear - yay no episiotomy!) I fed Kalli who latched on like a pro and fed for quite a while.
Since all the hospital beds were full they kept us in the L&D room where we all caught a few minutes of sleep and made the announcing phone calls.

Mid morning we finally were given our own room so we settled in, showered and showed off our new little girl to our visitors.

Late morning our Dr. came to check in on us and he said if we felt up to it we were able to go home! We were not expecting this because they kept us in with Kellan for 3 days. Knowing we had lots of help at home (and comfier beds) we jumped at that offer. So after getting all the paper work done we packed up and made it home in time for coffee...and a nap:)

Memories of & Thoughts on Birth

Preliminary Note: In no way am I saying my thoughts on labour/delivery are the *right* way and I am not judging if you do things differently. Sometimes I word things which can come across wrong - these are just my ramblings :)

A few times these last couple weeks that subject has come up in my head. I guess it's that time to start thing about & preparing for the upcoming birth of this little one. The thought brings many feelings - those of nervousness, excitement, panic & wonder. Sometimes I think: "ah, I've done this a couple times...no biggie". Other times I get a little worried about my body maybe not being as fit as it has been in the past or if my body or this baby will be 'uncooperative' making things a bit more difficult.

But instead of worrying and wondering, I want to prepare my body, my mind and my heart.

The day leading up to Brennan's birth wasn't one of a relaxed setting or a time of making sure I have all my birthing books read and labour position sheet in hand...no, it was a time of confusion, disbelief...just going through the motions. Not having time or even the thought to google "how to make the best of your stillbirth experience", I just did what people told me and took things as they came. 24 hours after we found out Brennan was gone I was induced. It felt chemical. It didn't feel right - my body and mind rebelling. The contractions came fast and hard (especially for an unripe & first birth body as well as having no help from the little one within). They piggybacked and only let off some in between.

There was beauty in it too - unconsciously I was willingly accepting this pain & this great job as one last thing I could physically do as his earthly momma.

I asked for morphine because my Dr has told me earlier that morning to take anything/everthing for the pain "because I was going to be going through enough pain as it was"
The morphine took the 'edge' off and gave me breaks inbetween each contraction.
A few hours later, after labouring on our own (which I am thankful for), I was asking for an epidural and they were wheeling me down to the L&D room. Once arriving there & begging to push, I was told I was 9cm and could push once the Dr arrived (who had been paged). Because the end was so close I refused the epidural.

I'll never forget the picture of that limp/lifeless body on the bed. One of those things that is burned in my memory.

In some ways I regret taking the morphine - knowing I didn't quite do 'everything' I could have as his momma BUT I also know that it helped me *enjoy* his birth more.
I'm not beating myself up over it.
It's kinda interesting to me tho that I look back at his birth with a tiny bit more fondness then with Kellan's. Because of the induction I would say overall it was more painful even with the morphine but it was a crazy rollercoaster that over time became very beautiful to me.
I think the 2nd time around a lot of fear & unknown clouded my mind...so I am excited for what's in store for the arrival of this little one.

Kellan's birth was much different. I knew I wanted a natural labour but because of the fear of what I know can happen - I would have jumped at any opportunity of an induction. Thankfully God knew what I needed and his timing was perfect.
3 days overdue I enjoyed a relaxing morning of labouring at home then off to the hospital for a few short hours. The contractions were just as painful but they felt different. They felt *right*. I felt on top of them - where as with Brennan I felt completely out of control & lost.

I remember my last couple contractions crying because it was almost too much - but I knew I was transitioning and that if would be over soon. Brian called for the Dr & nurses as I was ready to push - well almost ready. One of the worst parts of Brennan's labour was trying not to push - it's an undescribable feeling really - so I wanted the Dr to be ready when I wanted to push. I was almost 10 cm and he let me push but secretly in my mind I knew I should have waited a few more contractions.
I could definately tell the difference in the size of my boys. 2 pushes compared to 1/2 hour (not that that is really anything to complain about). Pushing feels like the last leg of a race - you find some strength somewhere and the contractions are easier because you are working with them instead of through them.
As soon as Kellan was born I remember feeling nothing. I watched them take his blue body over to the table and thinking "there is my baby" but with no emotion.

It's amazing what that first cry can do...

So, I will ponder on my birthing experiences - taking mental notes as to what I would do again and what I wouldn't.
Hoping that it will be natural again but not making any rules or promises to myself.
Someday I might consider a midwife or an at home birth but because of my medical background I'm happy with birthing at the hospital. Not only because of the "what if's" but also because I kinda thrive on the medical jargon and all the monitors & beeps (as distracting as they are).
My Dr broke my water and gave me an episiotomy with Kellan - both without asking. I haven't totally thought completely through that but it will probably be a discussion I will have with my Dr. I know he will argue about the episiotomy because of Kellan's shoulder dystocia and the probability of having another big baby.

Anyways, I've just started this discussion in my head and know there will be much more thought about it. Probably another post or two.
Sometimes I think myself crazy...but I love births (experiencing & hearing others). It's a beautiful & productive pain - with the most amazing gift at the end!
(Secretly, I'm really looking forward to it :S )

Any resources that you found helpful - feel free to let me know. I'm all about preparing - it's kinda like nesting but for the body & mind.

Feeling Large

Last night I felt GINORMOUS.
For 5 1/2 months anyways.
I feel normal again this morning. Whew!
Thought I had skipped a month or two for a moment :S

My 'too small' tub in my closet is spilling over and the 'too big' one that I keep pulling from is getting empty.
Go figure.

Lately I've been pretty lazy - physically. Well, basically for the whole pregnancy thus far, exercise has been non-existant.
I was pretty active the last 2 pregnancies and labour wise they were pretty good. So, I'm thinking that I better turn it up a notch (or at least do something!) to get my body ready for the BIG workout....which will be taking place in not too long.
I guess I should look at it like I'm training for a marathon.
And I guess that means I should get off my butt and go for a walk or something!

Kellan's birth story

Here's the birth story of my beautiful boy Kellan...

(Dec 14th) Felt sore & crampy all day and got more braxton hicks when moving around. In the afternoon we bundled up in the -40 weather and went for a walk to try to get things started. We stopped off at the drugstore and contemplated buying some castor oil...couldn't quite bring myself to do it ;) Lots of bloody show (lost mucous plug the day before) Around supper time I started having more painful & regular contractions - probably every 15 min. It was the Children's Christmas concert at the church that evening so we went - contractions mildly painful and consistently every 15 min. Later that evening the contractions started to become a bit more painful and closer together. Baby was really active. Throughout the later evening and early morning contractions were 10-5 min apart, lasting 30-60 seconds and had to start slowly breathing through some of them. Was doing lunges, squats, and pacing the house to speed things up.

(Dec 15th) At about 2 am the contractions eased off and I layed down and slept off & on until 8:30 am. Had hard contractions every 1/2 hr or so but was able to nap in between. I got up at 9 and the contractions picked up slowly throughout the morning. At about 11 am the contractions were about every 5-10 min and was unable to walk through some of them. At one point I felt the baby move down. Brian made me call the hospital to ask whether or not I should come in - so I did. They asked me a few questions as to how I was progressing and told me I should come in. So at about 11:45 we left for the hospital.

Just before we left for the hospital:

When we got there the LDR was full so I was put in another room and hooked up to the monitor. I don't think the nurses thought I was in labour because I was pretty good at hiding the pain and inbetween contractions I only had mild cramps (which was great- compared to the constant cramp/contraction last time). The nurse checked me and she said I was 6-7 cm dilated, my cervix soft and membranes were bulging! I was having contractions every 4-5 min - still slowly breathing through them.

So, since I was further along then the girl who was in the LDR they kicked her out and moved me in. They hooked me back up to the monitor and the baby was looking healthy - SO GREAT to hear that little heart beat pounding away! At 1 pm my Dr came in to check me. He said I was 5 cm and my membranes were bulging. They left me on the monitor for another 20 min then they let me walk/move around. So, Brian and I hung out in the room by ourselves which was so great. I walked around the room or sat on the ball with Brian massaging my back inbetween contractions. When a contraction hit I sat on the ball, leaned on the bed and breathed through them. (Loved the ball by the way!)

Hanging out in the delivery room inbetween contractions:

At 2:10 my Dr came back in and broke my water. After that the intensity of the contractions picked up a bit and I stayed in the bed - really having to breath through the contractions at this point. At about 3 pm I felt a tiny bit like I had to push - not totally tho, but because I didn't want to be told to 'not push' while they got things set up I told Brian to get the nurse. So, a few nurses and the Dr came in and got things ready. My Dr checked me and he said I was 10 cm with just a tiny lip on one side but enough that he let me push. At 3:15 I started to push. They had me in a funny position so I felt like I wasn't totally efficient in pushing. They then let me switch positions and felt better. I could also definately tell this was a bigger baby :) His head came out after maybe 10 min of pushing but his body didn't rotate and his shoulders got stuck (shoulder dystocia). So, the Dr was yanking on the baby's head and yelled at me to push harder. At 3:27, after a couple really hard pushes Kellan Mark was born!

He was really blue and wasn't really breathing so the Dr cut the cord and they took him over to the bassinet thingy and had to suction him lots and give him oxygen. He finally started to cry (which made both of us cry;) ) and then they let Brian cut the cord again.

They let me hold him for a minute then Brian went with him and the nurse to get him weighed, measured, etc. while the Dr. stitched me up - he had to do an episiotomy because of his stuck shoulders and size.

At 4 pm they moved us to our own room and I started to breastfeed. He latched on like a pro and the nurse was very impressed! :)

So, now I'm a proud mom of a beautiful & healthy baby boy! God is so good!

Baby 'K'

My view right now...

I really should be napping but how do you stop staring at that face?!

KELLAN MARK VAN TOL

was born Dec.15th at 3:27 pm weighing 8lbs 12oz! and 21 1/2 inches long (I think - the nurse told us 22 3/4 inches but his card says 21 1/2?)


We had to stay in the hospital for 3 days and the last 2 we have been going back and forth for bloodwork. Kellan's bilirubin is high so they were keeping an eye on it. We were told to pack our bags today and if his levels were high again that he would need to be readmitted and put under the lights. THANKFULLY his numbers are going down and we have our little boy home for good! We had him suntanning today to help lower his levels:

Our first night at home was pretty long. During birth he swallowed a bunch of mucous so has been pretty gaggy/pukey - a little scary to watch your baby not being able to breath and try to 'hack up a loogie'. He has been much better the last couple days so last night we got some good chunks of sleep!

We're home!

Anyways, I'm back in blogging land and am SO loving being a mom to this PRECIOUS little boy.

Done?

So, after my comment yesterday about not being 'done' this pregnancy - I read a blog I've been following. This family lost a little boy the same day we had Brennan and then were due again 2 days before us. She's had some complications during her pregnancy and just gave birth last night to a healthy baby girl (at 36 weeks)! So.....that made me REALLY want our baby in my arms. Then the day before yesterday I was feeling extra energetic and did a whole hour of pretty intense exercise (which I haven't been used to for a year or two) - and apparently my body couldn't handle it. So last night I was *done* :)


Yesterday (because I was pretty sore and slow moving) I did pretty much nothing productive. Bear minimum anyways. So since I was in the lazy frame of mind I took some funky belly shots. I did a neat one when I was pregnant with Brennan at about this time so I thought I would do the same.


Last night I was doing a bit of reading on natural childbirth and relaxation techniques. Question for all you 'natural' girls out there: what are you tips and the things that got you through?
I had morphine and fentanyl last time but want to try nothing this time. And I was induced with Brennan so this could be a whole different ball game. Just want to be the most prepared I can be. I'm not scared or fearful of the pain so I think going into it already semi-relaxed will help.

Ultrasound & Update

Meet "Baby #2":

Well, here I am today at 35 weeks and 5 days. 30 days to go!
This past week away I got the last few things that were on the baby/nursery list and now I'm pretty much set. Last night Brian and I put up a shelf, some hooks, clock, etc. and the nursery is almost done. I have 1/2 of the hospital bag packed but that shouldn't take me too long to finish.


(the baby's name isn't necessarily going to start with a 'K' but I had this letter and thought it looked cute.)

I was thinking the other day... doing all this nursery prep & buying some new sleepers for the baby isn't really necessary is it? The baby could sleep in oversized hand-me-downs and a laundry basket in the corner of the living room. I was trying to figure that all out in my head...then I thought to myself. I don't *need* to do all this spending & preparing BUT I can and in a way it is healthy too. It's another way of healing (refolding all of 'Brennan's' clothes) and it's helping me prepare and to love this new baby. I missed out on being a earthly mom this last year and this has been a way for me to be a 'mom' to both babies.

I was in Babies R Us and was SO excited when I found these:


These are matching outfits to what Brennan's is buried in. It was the only thing I could find at the time that fit him so it is SO precious to have these for all our other babies to wear.

Our ultrasound last week went great! I had a student and the tech watching her. They were both so good. They answered all my questions and spent some extra time taking pictures and trying to get some really good ones. The baby had it's hand covering it's face so they aren't great but it is still so sweet to get a little look at our wee one.

We had a Dr's appt on Monday and Brian was able to come - he hasn't been to one yet so I was glad he was able to make it. (Our Dr said he didn't call us with our u/s results last week because they weren't faxed to him until that day.) He said that the BBP u/s looked great! The baby scored 8/8, was measuring 35 weeks and weighs approx 5 lbs. 10 oz.! (Eeek - now I'm thinking I'm going to have a monster baby!) But my Dr said again tho that this baby is 'petite' and is going to come early...I guess you can't really believe what anyone says. He also said this baby is going to come quick so if I have any sign of labour to get to the hospital!

I gained 2 lbs since my last appt so now I'm back up to where I was a month ago. Everything else was looking good - belly measuring right on for 35/36 weeks, BP 100/60, baby's heart beat 133.

If you cross your eyes and tilt your head, you might be able to see a straight on face shot. Awww...so cute!

Brian and I LOVE this pic! Baby is showing off it's *guns*:

I was thinking yesterday morning that I am not ready to be *done* this pregnancy. I've enjoyed this new little life growing inside me. I/We have definately had our fair share of worry & anxiety ~ but right now I am at a peaceful place and am trying to cherish everyday with this little one. Don't get me wrong - I am TOTALLY exciting and anticipating this baby, but this pregnancy has been so different but so similar to last time. Kinda hard to explain. It's beautiful...
I'm getting excited? for the labour & delivery too. (now don't ask me that when I'm 3 cm dilated after 24 hours of labour or when I've been pushing for 3 hours :) )

***thirty-two***

That means:
- 8 more Saturdays to sleep in
- 8 more big jobs I have left to do on my "to-do before baby" list
- 56 more sleeps!

I stole this pic from Babycenter It also says baby is 3.75 lbs and 16.7 inches.

I just past the # on the scale that I was in my last 2 weeks with Brennan. So, either this baby is going to be huge or I'll just have a little extra ;) But I'm only 3.5 pounds heavier then last time at 32 weeks so not too bad.

I've been meaning to do a bit of reading on labour & delivery. I want to do 'au natural' and so I think I should brush up on different relaxation tips. (Why do they call them 'relaxation' techniques anyways? That's the furthest thing from feeling relaxed!) I had morphine and fentanyl with Brennan since I didn't have to worry about the effects it would have on the baby. My Dr advised me to get an epidural cuz I was going to be dealing with enough pain as it is - I'm really glad I said no to that. The labour, as painful as it was, was a really special part for me. I want to learn how to 'control' myself during labour. Last time I remember the feeling of almost loosing control and so this time I want to work on breathing and keeping that control. Make it a spiritual thing too. I'm not anxious or scared about it so that helps. Pretty excited actually!

I really want to get some professional pregnancy pics done. I'm too cheap to hire someone tho. I do have a friend with a really good camera but I'm not sure how good of a photographer she is. I'm sure they would be a bit better then the ones I take with our cheap camera on the timer - hehehe.

I haven't taken my 32 week pic yet - tomorrow maybe.