More I wishes

I wish I could have been more prepared. But how do you prepare for the death & burial of your wee infant son? - other then just going through the motions.

I wish I could have gone shopping and picked out a sweet little outfit that we could have dressed you in, instead of finding the smallest onesie (that unfortunately has a cat on it) in the limited selection of newborn clothes I had in the drawer.

If only I could have made you a little toque 'with love from mom' for your perfect little head instead of the too big/funky farm animals toque that looks (to me) so inappropriate.

Oh the 'I wishes' and 'what-if's'.

I AM thankful tho, that I was able to pick out a soft blanket to wrap you in. Thankful that I had the opportunity to pick something special out for you amidst the chaos. Thankful for the fog to clear a bit in my head to be able to do that...