As I was in our storage room pulling down a box of craft supplies to help pass the time on a cold day, I saw the box. It's a 'Grand & Toy' paper box that is labeled with a Sharpie. In my handwriting it reads "BRENNAN". I usually just push it aside, but this time I lifted it down to look inside. I caught my breath as my eyes found the familiar receiving blanket. I buried my face in it hoping to be reminded of a smell, but all I could smell was laundry soap. I wishwishwish I hadn't washed it. I saw the big stack of sympathy cards, recalling how thankful I was for so many people to recognize his life...and death. I paged through a couple books - some we were given and some we had bought. And I found an envelope with extra pictures I didn't scrapbook and lingered on that wee little body printed on glossy paper.
A little voice and a fussy baby calling from upstairs brought me back to earth. I packed it back up and put that box back on the shelf, inbetween the scrapbooking tote and the box of Instruction Manuals.
Oh little one. I wish your life wasn't packed away in boxes sitting on dusty shelves....or deep in the earths dirt. But know that your memory is tucked in safe within my heart.
5 comments:
*sigh*
i think it's good that you take these moments, Jen. To think about him and look through the physical reminders of your firstborn.
My older sister only lived with us on earth until she was five, and I remember many times either sneaking into the storage room to look through her boxes or looking through them with my mom, absorbing as much of her as I could. I was only seven days old when she passed away, and I treasured being able to know her through those memories. One day that little voice and fussy baby will share those moments with you too!
Mine is a Rubbermaid tub with a masking tape label, "Autumn's Stuff".
I only recently moved it to the front of the closet where I could get at it *if* I wanted to. It's been more Kurt's thing, honestly. He takes stuff in and out - and I'm glad he feels comfortable doing that.
She's in my heart: the the whole lotion/memory thing was a total God-fluke - perhaps you'll find something yet, Jenn.
Remembering with you today...
Maybe this isn't a comfort, but I tried smelling Owen's cozy blanket the other day (which I didn't wash), and the wonderful, familiar smell of him is gone. I still remember it though, as clearly as if it were yesterday. Michael's blankets still smell of him, but that is fading too. He smelled different than his brother, and I can remember both of those wonderful smells so well. The funny thing is, I can't remember how Nyomi smelled as a baby, and yet she is the one still here in my arms. I think maybe God blesses us with stonger memories of little ones we have lost. One of the many bittersweet little blessings...
awww....that's so special and hard. i got out wyatt's box on the 1st year anniversary of his death. i had forgotten some of the stuff i put in there.....
*tender.*
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