We have a few things planned for tomorrow. Some traditions are on the list but I'm thinking we will mostly just ride the waves and see where we drift. I find the eve of his birthday always a little harder than the actual day itself. I'm thinking this year will be no different - so far it's true. And a bit similar to those 1460 days ago - the nightmarish eve, then the day of his birth brought all things bittersweet (heavy on the heart wrenching still....)
Today (since the kids are still recovering from the flu) we stayed home from church. I got all fired up about getting my Walk to Remember sponsorship letters off and worked hard all day. Tweaked and finalized the letter, made labels and addressed 50(ish?) envelopes and was ready to push print on the letters but then I came across some snags.... Anyways, I ended up frustrated, overwhelmed, and the emotions of the impending tomorrow crept up on me.
That progressed to a big family cry on the bed and a veeeeery drawn out bedtime routine/cuddle - holding those little ones closer than usual. And now I'm here.....
(sorry if this is random.....this is me just fighting out my thoughts, emotions and tears....)
I wonder if these birthdays will ever get easier? Maybe it's because every year I am jacked up on pregnancy or breastfeeding hormones..... or maybe it's just my broken mamma's heart....
Speaking of pregnancy, I'm praying that God lets me feel this wee one for the first time tomorrow. Wouldn't that be the greatest gift ever?!! I've been thinking for a week or two that it should be any day now..... I hope babe is holding out for tomorrow.
I came across this picture the other day. His face made me catch my breath. Looks so innocently sweet....
But amongst all these tears and the gut wrenching pain, I find myself so, so grateful.
Praying that God will use this heartache to help others....
And now I'm going to go give my brain and heart a rest and watch the latest mindless episode of the Bachelor..... ;)
3 comments:
Sending you love as you remember your first treasure...
hugs! Love you guys and thinking/praying for you this weekend and as you head into tomorrow, remembering your precious firstborn.
J - God is using Brennan's sweet sweet life to help others. You have been my inspiration through the pain. Thank you. I am wondering how this first birthday will be for me in May. I have some things "planned" out in my mind. I hope you feel that baby today. That would be just awesome! Love!
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