I think the biggest thing for me is when people remember. Not that they remember us and give us sympathy ~ but that they remember Brennan and his little life that graced this earth ever so briefly....and touched our hearts sooo deeply. THANK YOU so much to those who sent us notes, flowers and encouragement today....thanks for remembering... Today is a harsh day of remembering. I wanted to cry it all out this past week so that today I could just be peaceful - but that wasn't the way God wanted it. It hurts, I'm not gonna lie...but I'm glad a year has passed. The sting isn't quite so sharp.
I've read a number of birthday posts from other moms who have lots little ones. Their words are so beautifully written and their greiving seems so 'put together'(?)....if that makes sense. I've been struggling with what to feel - or even figuring out what I am feeling. But I like what my sister-in-law wrote to me the other day: "just feel what you feel, and that's ok"... So today I'm feeling and remembering...and I'm ok with that. I'm cuddled up on my bed with my computer, bible, journal, phone, kleenex box, and sweet little boy all within reach.
Tonight we are having ceasar salad and orange juice for supper - things I craved when I was pregnant with Brennan. I have a birthday cake in the oven that we'll decorate and eat to celebrate his day. I also got 4 roses...one for each of us to lay on his grave and one for Brennan to keep here. We did the same at his dedication/funeral.
I'm trying to upload a video I made of Brennan with a song Brian wrote and recorded for him but I can't seem to get it to work. Maybe later...
Going to go meet Brian out at Brennan's grave now...
2 comments:
i love imagining you with all your comforts around you... That's a good little list :)
Hope you can figure out the movie...
Jen, I wanted to let you know that I was praying for your family on Brennan's birthday. I didn't send anything to you but I did remember and took time on your behalf.
Your sister in laws words are very wise. When you lose someone you love, it's more than alright to just feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel and there is no right or wrong amount of time to feel it.
I remember your post of the song "You Are The Everylasting God" and how deeply the words seemed to touch you during your loss. Our strength WILL rise as we wait upon the Lord and He has blessed you and Brian with Kellan as you have been faithful to His leading. Bless you as you continue with Him leading.
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