Q&A

A blogger friend wrote a post on grief and asked these questions at the end. As I started to answer them in the comment box I decided to just post them...

I want to know if you think about them often....
I don't think I intentionally think of him every day, but I do subconsciously. We have a few framed pictures of him around and I wear a necklace with his inital so his memory is obvious in our house and daily lives.
Lately, because of Kalli's birth he's been on my mind more. I guess most of my memories of him involve tiny fingers & toes and a sweet bundle wrapped up in blankets so my thoughts are often brought to him.

I want to know what reminds you of them....
- orange roses
- the songs 'Everlasting God' and 'Jesus Loves Me'
- y'know that 'W' star consellation? well the very 1st star is 'his'
- ceasar salad


I want to know what you remember most about that pregnancy....
The pure excitement. I felt great and loved being pregnant. It wasn't tainted with fear.

I want to know if their siblings remind you of them....
Every once in a while I will catch a glimpse of Brennan in both Kalli and Kellan. I love it.

What do you think their personality would be....
Huh. I'm not sure. My memories of him are 'tender' and 'fragile', so I guess I picture him as being sensitive and soft-hearted.

What do you look forward to the most in seeing them again someday......
Oh, just to hold him in my arms again.
I long for the day when everything is made right...

I want to know how you grieve and what makes you grieve....
Seasons and special days make me grieve. A 36 week pregnant momma or especially a baby born living at 36 weeks.
I'm still figuring out how to and how I grieve.

And are there certain dates that it seems to hit the hardest.....
- when I hit 36 weeks during a pregnancy
- obviously his birthday and due date

And what were you expecting in grief and how did it surprise you.....
That it takes work. And it's not something that really gets easier or less painful. Sure it doesn't hurt as often, but it can hit and it can hit hard. Well, maybe not as hard as those first couple months....but the last couple of years have felt the same for me...

And what did you learn through their life and death....and through the pain that follows....
I learned the preciousness of life - especially the wee helpless ones.
I learned how to love deeper.

And how did their life change yours and what are you thankful for??
He changed my view on life and motherhood. His life made me a mom. And I am so thankful for his life and how this journey has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father